I realized yesterday something a little…disturbing. I guess that’s the word.
The first time I remember seeing a penis was on a picture of Michelangelo’s David. And I was confused, because I thought his penis looked wrong. And when I say confused, I mean that I freaking took my time and studied that picture, unable to figure out what was wrong.
What I realized yesterday is that the first time I saw an erect penis (porn) it looked perfectly natural to me.
I may be totally batshit crazy here. But I have the distinct impression that I knew what an erect penis looked like years before a flaccid one.
It feels stupid and attention-grabby and lying to say that, honestly.
But yesterday in the throws of panic, I knew it. I knew it was true.
I don’t know anymore. I think I’m crazy. I think I want to be crazy.
And I don’t even know why I’m writing this. Maybe to make it less painful the next time I remember, so I don’t erase it from my memory again.