I am reasonably certain that the only reason I am still alive is because I desperately hate hurting people. And I know that if I hurt myself, the people I love the most would suffer the most. And that’s unbearable to me.
But I also think it’s a little frightening that there’s nothing else really holding me here.
Frightening and pathetic. Because who am I to say that my pain is so unbearable? What on earth is wrong with me that I can’t cope?
Selfish. Shameful. Damnable.
Why can’t I just be okay?