So, last Friday I joined the (sometimes really forced) blogger thing of writing a letter to my 16-year-old self in which I told myself to always, always choose love.
Sometimes choosing love will look like laying down arms in the middle of a fight in order to love the other person the way they need to be loved at that moment.
Sometimes choosing love will look like choking back words of anger, dissent, or even just innocuously offering a different opinion from someone because you realize that they are not yet ready to hear what you have to say.
Sometimes choosing love will look like abandoning the faith to other people, when really you’re putting ON the faith and living the love and freedom you believe in.
Then Sunday, shit kind of got real and I felt slightly like a prophet.
Sunday afternoon, my mother…asked me point-blank if I thought being gay was okay. My heart dropped into my stomach, and I knew that it was time for me to be honest.
I said yes.
In that split instant, everything changed. Things that I thought would never change. Could never change.
I was informed that all of my parents’ worst fears about me were confirmed by my acceptance of homosexuality. That my acceptance of it was clearly the result of abandoning Scripture and was an abomination to God, a stench in His nostrils, and not in keeping with being a follower of Christ. I had bought into the lies of the world, the lies of the devil, and I needed to repent.
My husband stepped in to defend me, and we were subsequently kicked out of my parents’ house. We did eventually reconcile…sort of.
Now…well, today, I am being interviewed by Sojourners Magazine about my time spent at BJU and my view on LGBT issues particularly within the Church. And I’ll probably be doing it under my real name.
And I’m just terrified.
Well, maybe not terrified. Nervous. Uneasy.
I think it’s entirely possible to believe that homosexual sex is wrong without demeaning, devaluing, shaming, or hurting people. I believe that we can have discussions about this civilly. Dr. Richard Mouw is a great example of this.
But I can’t keep silent while LGBTQ people are constantly attacked, devalued, demonized and ostracized, particularly in the name of Jesus. Even if my family and friends don’t agree with me, even if they are the ones doing the demonizing behind the mask of godly concern.
No more. No more of this. Not while I sit idly by. Can’t do it anymore.
But God, I’m nervous.