Stitching Up The Seams

Sep 5

…sexism is technically the systematic discrimination and debasement of a person based on their gender so in that way, a cis-male cannot be a victim of sexism because it’s not reinforcing a system that keeps cis-men down. They can, however, be the victims of douchebaggery, same as anyone else.

- Busty Girl Comics answers a question about sexism.

Posted 9 months ago

Comments

15 notes

sexism, cis, male, female, feminism, gender bias, gender roles, discrimination, douchebag, douche, douchebaggery, debase, busty girl comics, bgc,

Aug 31

Remembering that awkward moment when…

I liked Nathanael. A lot. And like a good fundy girl who hopes to marry a man, I was close with his family. His sisters in particular, but I was in good standing with his parents, too. Which is actually nearly unheard of with his dad. His dad doesn’t like ANYBODY that he doesn’t think is good enough.

But yeah. His dad commonly said both from the pulpit and to anyone who would listen really that he didn’t like loud girls. That they weren’t exhibiting a meek and quiet spirit. This was often aimed at one of his daughters in particular and her best friend. I always felt so bad for them.

BUT there was one time we were all at a conference together. I had come into the main auditorium during free time with a book to read, my journal to write in, and a few piano books should the urge to play come over me. He came over to talk to me, and as he was leaving he lovingly patted me on the shoulder and said, “I know you’re a quiet, contemplative type. I really like that.”

At the time, I was pleased. That meant that surely he would approve if Nathanael liked me back.

Now? I’m kind of fucking pissed. I’m not quiet because it’s some secret virtue that I believe in because I have a vagina. I’m quiet because I’m an introvert, and I don’t talk unless I’m scared/nervous, or actually have something to say.

Ah, well.

Posted 9 months ago

Comments

5 notes

feminism, gender roles, patriarchy, christianity, plymouth brethren, assemblies, fundamentalism,

Aug 29

Do you have a more modern example of classism? We as people and a country have been eliminating those 18th century boundaries for a long time.

Question asked by a middle class white male, after telling me that he was trying to pin me down for a definition of classism (after Sarah and I both gave him differing but compatible and accurate definitions - mine can be found here, though it is less of a definition and more of a differentiation between classism and oppression as terms).

I can’t help but laugh, and I think I’m finished trying to educate him. Not my job, and if he has access to Facebook then he has access to Google same as the rest of the internet-abled world.

My response: “If you want to pin down the actual definition, along with modern day examples, you do have the whole of the internet at your disposal to do research. If your interest is only to make me explain myself in a way that you find satisfactory, I’m not playing.”

Also, “we as people and a country” may be working to eliminate “those 18th century boundaries” but that doesn’t mean that a) the isms don’t exist on a widespread yet personal level (suggesting that they are societal and systematic, not just personal) and b) that we’re ANYWHERE close to actually achieving said goal. Granted, this is a guy who thinks that racism is mostly a thing of the past (except for reverse racism *eyeroll*) and is a pretty hardcore believer in gender roles (with men, of course, coming out on top) and believes that misandry is a thing (*rolls eyes so hard they stick*).

Posted 9 months ago

Comments

4 notes

classism, oppression, societal, cultural, white middle class male, white male, privilege, sexism, feminism, equality, misogyny, misandry, gender roles, gender, complementarian, egalitarian, sarah moon, sarah over the moon,

Aug 28

Men who cook are sexy as hell.

I say this, of course, because my partner cooks. But you know what? I think ANYONE who can cook is sexy as hell. Because the kitchen belongs to everyone - no one “belongs” to or in the kitchen. Own the hell out of that room, people.

Posted 9 months ago

Comments

5 notes

gender roles, manhood, womanhood, feminism, kitchen, cook, joke, sexism, misogyny,

Jul 20

Sex, as commonly conceived, is something a couple do together. But the sexual act itself is not quite like that. It is, and remains, something a man does to a woman. They are not both working at the same thing. He is giving, she is receiving. He is the lover, she the beloved. Now, if they both set out to “have some Sex,” the whole delicate balance is wrecked, and neither can find his own role. What is happening is that the difference we all love so dearly is taking a bad beating. The wife is being backed into a decreasingly feminine role, even in overtly sexual matters, and the husband is finding that he has less and less of an object to be masculine toward. He is getting what he wants, but not what he needs. He asks frequently enough, but he has lost sight of what to ask for; and that is deadly.

Robert Farrar Capon, Bed and Board, p. 51

Hi. Stitch here. Not sure if anyone’s been following the whole Gospel Coalition thing that’s been going down for the past week. If you’re interested in learning more, here’s a few links for you:

The Gospel Coalition, sex, and subordination via Rachel Held Evans
The Writer’s Burden via Dianna Anderson
Marital Rape? Doug Wilson on Dominance and Submission in the Marriage Bed via Patheos
Rape: A Punishment for Egalitarians? via Sarah Moon
Doug Wilson, The Gospel Coalition, and Sanctified Rape Culture via Are Women Human?
“It’s not me, it’s her, isn’t it?” via Dr. Camille Lewis

This just hits home to me even more firmly and irreversibly that gender roles are man-made constructs. That complementarianism and patriarchy are not all that different, and are both very dangerous ideologies when taken to their logical end.

I am so thankful for a husband that does not view me as an object to be masculine towards, and that he doesn’t view sex as a thing that he does to me. Instead he sees me as an equal human being that does not need the masculine domination of any man, a partner equal to him in every respect. And that he views sex not as an act done to me, but as an act done together - he doesn’t bang me or tap that or any other disgusting euphemism that says EXACTLY what the above says (“it is, and remains, something a man does to a woman”). But it is the two of us together, human to human, making love.

There are not words for my disgust at this perversion and abuse propagated by so-called men of God in His name. If that’s not taking God’s name in vain, then I don’t know what is.

(Source: dougwils.com)

Posted 11 months ago

Comments

9 notes

complementarian, egalitarian, gender roles, gender issues, marriage, sex, lover, beloved, sexual, feminine, masculine, objectify,

Apr 11

head desk

Me: A fantastic piece decrying the distinctly anti-woman culture in which we live.
Me: http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/04/09/ashley-judd-slaps-media-in-the-face-for-speculation-over-her-puffy-appearance.html
Me: "Patriarchy is not men. Patriarchy is a system in which both women and men participate. It privileges, inter alia, the interests of boys and men over the bodily integrity, autonomy, and dignity of girls and women. It is subtle, insidious, and never more dangerous than when women passionately deny that they themselves are engaging in it. This abnormal obsession with women’s faces and bodies has become so normal that we (I include myself at times—I absolutely fall for it still) have internalized patriarchy almost seamlessly. We are unable at times to identify ourselves as our own denigrating abusers, or as abusing other girls and women."
Me: Also love this quote -
Me: "I thus abstain from all media about myself. The only thing that matters is how I feel about myself, my personal integrity, and my relationship with my Creator. Of course, it’s wonderful to be held in esteem and fond regard by family, friends, and community, but a central part of my spiritual practice is letting go of otheration. And casting one’s lot with the public is dangerous and self-destructive, and I value myself too much to do that."
Female Friend: ‎"distinctly anti-woman"? are you slapping all of us with hollywood's brush? by the way, i just read a great article about the one she wrote. i agree that there shouldn't be a media frenzy every time she gets a pimple, but she has issues over how people perceive her, when she poses in provocative ways for magazines? she talks of the dignity of women, and then poses in her nightgown or no top?
Me: I don't think it's "Hollywood's brush" per se, but yes - as a culture we are distinctly more critical of women than we are of men. And I mean critical in a negative way, not a constructive way.
Me: I also don't think her argument is invalidated by how she chooses to present her body - there is nothing inherently undignified about a woman's body as opposed to a man's body (seen in men being shirtless and not seen as provocative), though I agree that the blatant sexualization of women through the media is another way in which we portray women as objects and not people. Nevertheless, in some ways it is up to us whether we see an object to be ridiculed or dismissed or a person to be considered.
Female Friend: not inherently undignified, but a topless shot or one in a nightgown WILL still be provocative, if it's a woman (of course, if it's a man in a nightgown...). because even though many women will look at pics, the men are the visual people that will be most affected by the pose. and there's nothing wrong with her "slapping" the media, either, for it's messed up portrayal of women. but the media looks at the wrong side of just about everything. i just want to suggest that hollywood and the media tabloids' way of acting and viewing things does not necessarily mean all Americans act like that. that's all. : )
Male Friend: Fascinating. Good article. [Female Friend], got a link to your article? Distinctly anti-woman culture. I agree with [Female Friend]. A very broad brush. And a point I don't agree with. Yes, it is a cultural issue. But not because it hates women. Our culture hates God, and his creation, the family. How do you attack the family? Attack its parts. Men are under attack. Are being feminized. Put down. Told they are inferior to women. and being released from any responsibility for their actions, especially the fathering of children. Why do you think women are bemoaning that there are no good men to be found? Women are an easier target. They are being told they have been regulated to a less than human position to get them to act out. And they are culturally objectified and pressured to fit into the cultural ideal or be somehow abnormal. Their appearance is attacked and picked apart. And our liberal media aids and abets these attacks at every turn. Patriarchy? That definition is straight out of the feminist propaganda hand book and is completely false. The situation described, on the other hand, does occur from time to time and does exist in some cultures. Islam is a shining example. Women are religiously and socially programed that they are inferior. And people have been fighting that situation for millennia. Especially those armed with God's idea of a family. Science is still trying to figure out why a man and a woman equally yoked before God works so well. Women are not inferior according to the Bible, but they are the weaker vessel. Men and women have their separate niches in life that they are designed by God to fill but these do not dictate or limit the scope of their activities. And that's another can of worms for another discussion. I do hope my spouted ramblings are of some use. Feel free to tear in.
Female Friend: http://www.breitbart.com/Big-Hollywood/2012/04/10/Ashley-Judd-Body
Male Friend: Wow, you are fast, [Female Friend].
Male Friend: Awesome. Took facebook six hours to show your post before mine, [Female Friend]. I reply would have been pointless. And warn a guy next time! Holly Cow! I could almost get fired for seeing those pictures!

Posted 1 year ago

Comments

2 notes

feminism, Ashley Judd, patriarchy, misogyny, misandry, gender roles, Gender Issues, religion, christianity, islam,

Feb 14

One of my favourite songs, by Jennifer Knapp. This song actually helped save my marriage a while back.

Posted 1 year ago

Comments

2 notes

valentine's day, love, love song, jennifer knapp, marriage, gender issues, gender roles, lesbian, lgbt,

Jan 18

Confessions of a slut-shaming racist homophobe.

…so this is my confession. My gut reaction in these cases is to be a slut-shaming misogynistic misandristic racist homophobe. It’s true. I fear those who are different than me, because they are harder to understand…because they don’t fit in a box I already have labeled, or they seem like they might fit into a particularly unsavory box, or even because I don’t have the time to devote to getting to know them and determining whether they are truly frightening or not.

But in the seconds after my gut-reaction, I experience a deep connection with the person against whom my emotions were just raging. They probably never know I feel this connection to them. But after my initial, shameful, stupid knee-jerk emotion, I am deeply moved by compassion for them. I realize that there are people out there who don’t get beyond their knee-jerk reactions and prejudices, and I wonder in those moments what the person I am thinking about has gone through at the hands of such bigotry. And I say to them silently, “I’m on your side. I may be afraid of you on a level that shames me, but I will fight for you and I will listen to you and I will see you. I am on your side.”

This may seem disjointed. And perhaps even offensive. I can’t quite help the disjointedness as I’m still sorting through my thoughts, but the offense is not meant at all. That’s why this is a confession. I am ashamed of my gut reactions. As someone said earlier today, I’m walking in the right direction. There are barriers and things that are trying to hold me back, but I know more certainly than I know anything that in fighting to abolish prejudice and hatred within myself first that I am walking in the right direction.